First of Your Friends to be Pregnant

We’ve read a lot about what to expect in the pregnancy and what to expect in childbirth, but no one really prepares you for the nuance of being the first of your friends to be pregnant. Of course we have friends and coworkers who are pregnant or have had kids, but in our immediate friend circle, we are the first.

For me, sometimes I feel a little alone. From college, to work, to even yoga, I’ve always felt like we were growing up together and going through similar things alike. Now, my experiences aren’t shared. It’s scary to feel like I’m moving into a new chapter of my life without my comrades in arms. If I share my fears or excitement, will people be able to relate? If I’m going through something, who can I turn to whose either going through it too or has been through something similar? Don’t get me wrong, everyone is very supportive, curious, and caring! But sometimes it feels so different and often lonesome.

For Jeff, it’s a tug of war between friends and family. Jeff is a no-new-friends kind of guy; he is fiercely loyal and he’s had primarily the same friends since college (even high school). But when you’ve grown up with the same friends, sometimes it feels like it’s still college with them. Holding onto these friendships in the shape and form they’ve held this entire time is incredibly important to Jeff. His role in the boys’ group has been an important part of his group identity, and letting that evolve is very difficult, especially if the rest of his group is several years away from having kids. At first, it bothered me, but now I empathize with what he’s going through.

Having a kid means we are moving on from one chapter to another. While we are so ecstatic to meet baby and to be parents, we are learning together how to let go of a part of us that is linked to our past roles in our friend groups. It’s instability in the root chakra - the fear of becoming distant from your tribe. Tribal identity is associated with safety, feeling grounded, and the feeling of belonging. We are the first of our tribe to move into this new chapter, and for each of us, that fear of the unknown is manifesting in nuanced ways.

Things don’t end; they just evolve! One of the ways I’m learning to embrace this change is by acknowledging that nothing is coming to an end, but rather just a new beginning! We had a taste of that a couple weekends ago (pictures below) when we went on an annual ski trip with our friends. Obviously, I couldn’t drink and neither could Jeff (for health reasons), and neither of us went skiing/snowboarding. That said, we still found ways to be with the group and have fun with our friends in new ways. Instead of skiing, we visited the Ice Castles in Midway, UT. Instead of playing drinking games, we played group activity games on Jackbox.

Above all, while transition can be slightly uncomfortable, we are excited for the next chapter. Parenthood is such a blessing, and this little baby is our miracle. We are looking forward to bringing baby into our lives, introducing him to our friends and family, and taking him on all the trips!